Know When to Stop Helping and Let Things Be
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Cleveland, OH
Sunday May 2, 2021
There are 243 days left in 2021
Dear Giving Friend,
I suppose there is a correct way to help others, frankly, I’ve never given it much thought until I helped a stranger, we’ll call “Mr. E.” I thought helping was helping, giving was giving and that’s all there is too it. Right? Just give- without expectations (or a receipt or a selfie) right?
Well, I took it a step further, thrusting my kindness to, I suspected, a person in need.
Before the pandemic I was post officing, (yup, new word) minding my business, stamping envelops for my taxes. I owed. I was not happy.
An elderly, haggard looking man walked in and stood next to me, he was winded. No, not from fast paced walking or playing bingo, he was on oxygen. “Can you help me fill out this check?” he motioned to some paperwork and placed it on top of the envelopes addressed to the IRS, carrying unfair amounts due. I said sure.
I looked over his documents, it was a electric bill, a disconnection notice. I started organizing the statement, addressing the envelop and the money order (which I hadn’t seen since 1999).
“If I don’t get this in the mail today, they’re going to cut off my electric and I need it to charge my breathing machine.” He looked absolutely terrified. The bill was under $100.
I felt his stress. I wrote faster as if someone had started a timer, and the jeopardy theme music, for me to finish the task. Got it done, sealed and rubbed the stamp on good and solid. I asked if he needed anything else, he assured me that he didn’t and he may have thanked me no less than three times.
I stood there thinking about my previous tax complaints, which also meant that I had a very lucrative year - but there are people out there like Mr. E with serious problems. Later that evening I shared this story with my husband and on social media. People were like, “Oh Raquel, thank God for you!” and “You probably saved that man’s life!”
Really?
I don’t know what it was but two weeks later I found myself at Mr. E’s apartment door, with my husband. I wanted to make sure he was ok, that his electricity was in tact and I wanted to slide him some cash.
When Mr. E opened the door he seemed to recognize me, I helped recall his memory and told him I was there to check on him. My husband express the same sentiments. Mr. E suddenly, frowned, a scowl grew over his tired, wrinkled face and he closed the door a little. “I’m OK, no, no, no, I don’t need anything. I’m OK.” I tried to have a conversation with him, never wanting to be invited in but it was clear that he wasn’t going to extend that invitation. There was no chance to offer him the money I stored neatly folded in my pocket, and maybe that was a good thing.
Maybe it was pride, maybe fear or maybe the man just didn’t like a stranger from the post office dropping by his pad. Think about it, would you? I wouldn’t. I remembered his address from the envelop. I took it upon myself to check on him- unannounced.
The help he needed, he asked for- that day in the post office. That’s it, one and done! He didn’t ask for me and my beau to ride by and drop off cash. Some times a caring heart can turn into one that wants to be a savior. Some people don’t need saving, they don’t want the charity, they don’t like feeling like they need help and maybe they’re OK right where they are. (Or maybe, just maybe Mr. E had an ole, sweet hottie in his apartment and they forgot to put out the Do Not Disturb sign.) Either way, who am I to judge what, if anything additional Mr. E needed?
Since meeting Mr. E, I’ve taken closer looks at my desire (or need) to overly help. I took on more girls/women to mentor than I could actual handle. I would take calls and video meetings to anyone that needed help. I’ve scaled it down and I’m continuing to learn about my ability to give and serve.
Normally this is where I end the newsletter with a 3-tip video message to help guide you on your bold, brave journey. Then, followed by a resource section with links to scholarly articles and quotes …all to help you.
Today, though, I’m going to end it here. Today, I’m going to see how it feels to just let this be.
Never Dropping By Mr. E’s Pad Again,
Raquel
Thank you for sharing in this uplifting space with me. I hope you feel better now than you did when you opened this letter. I sincerely appreciate you. Please connect with me on LinkedIn, Twitter and Instagram. Also, ask a friend to subscribe to this newsletter. Copy this link: https://raqueleatmon.com/subscribe